I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I could fuck to npr.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
