what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
