sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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