he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the liver wants what the liver wants
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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