I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
