I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
