OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
