Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
