Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
