were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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