I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
