OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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