I cockslap morals
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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