tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
