Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After last night, I could never be a politician.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
