He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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