Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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