were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
