No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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