Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
