Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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