Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
