Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
