I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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