I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
