Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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