Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
