I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
