Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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