I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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