When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
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