so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
