youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
