Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
