I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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