I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
