First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Randomize
