I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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