Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize