I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
