a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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