wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize