Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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