had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
