i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
