i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i out mim tonsoeep
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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