worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
