bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
