First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
