Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Still dying that you shit outside
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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