Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
