after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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