How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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