i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
