I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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