well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize