The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
God I need to hump something, right now.
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