we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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