I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
