Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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