I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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