I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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