Do you still have your period?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
