The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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