Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
there is puke in my bra ... again
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
