Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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