Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
