Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
