haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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