Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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