Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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