I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
