Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
