I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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