Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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