if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
