I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
